genevievecarbery.com

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What a change from yesterday

Same day, same number of hours

The wind howls and clears the rain

I wipe the salt stained blotches from round the frame to my empty soul.

All around lay remnants of my futile attempts to fill the void

The semicircle of popcorn round the empty couch

I do suppose reflect a life as shallow and empty as on screen (but not as exciting)

Which occupies my empty head and stops the other thoughts from

getting heard,

the ones that still have dreams , ambitions, depth and passion

but are trapped inside this jelly mould.

Wound tight like thin old-fashioned wool
Like a pinball bouncing into every vulnerable cushioned hole,
Falling into the dragon’s cave, who’s always ready to wake.
Up and down across it goes, disturbing and energising rotting corpses.

Outside, silence and darkenss and him , try with strong and comforting arms to envelop her,
But hugs have cracks between the breast and shoulder,
Which let in light and noise and blame,
But she controls the ball and just for one moment she lets it go….

It’s caught, unravels, out her mouth and every pore,
The pain like an overwhelming scream is everywhere,
and then it’s gone.
Disappeared or deep into a cave she does not know,
As arms, silence and darkness envelop her, she sleeps.

Genevieve Summer 2004

As the sun splits the morning sky,
I sit and woder why
I brough tears to a beautiful eye
And fogged up the windows to my favourate soul

Last night flickers to my brain
Like a blurry movie in screen
And I wonder once again
Why did i trample on his dreams and stab him in the back

HE’s like a northern star,
A guide when times get hard
I would follow those freckles, blue eyes soft skin so far
What happens if the candle blows out?

The tunnel is just an endless black hole
The cloud has been robbed the silver stolen
All my memories tainted by my violence and his fall
What the hell was I doing ,w ho was in the brawl

So peaceful, silent and beautiful he lies, I can pretend
For just one moment that nothing happened, he’s still my best friend
Like a sacred and fragile museum object, I’m not worthy to toch or mend
For if I could I’m lost as to what I would say or do

Genevieve - many moons ago

The fireball in my chest yearns to be released
But I resist afraid it will go out
The feebly sparks that fly into your ear and eye
Extinguished by the warm breath of your mouth

It’s the mumbled musings of imagined somewheres
Emerging from the solitary caves of self delusion
Hedgehog escapes the crusing of a headlight’s glare
When joy grows to relief - fireballs grow to confusion

The silence of the night buzzing, and my sigh
The worries fade unnoticed like paper in the sun
Glasses off ,light out it all becomes so clear
The only thing exists, the affirmation of your lips I am the one

Genevieve - many years ago!

So this is what it’s like to fee lalive
Pain and sadness are just a part of life
Have I done such a good job to cut me feelings off, that I am wired?
No tears, no longing - am I just dead?
No but I long , I hope I long I am still driven
The chip has disappeared
Constant self-flagulation is gone
Where? Where is the whipmaster
Have I truly dissolved him, turned him into the driver, the soother, the scaffold.
Where is the engless hole? For so long I had to fill.
I’m full. I’m not hugry but when i’m hungry
Am I settling for second best, have I boxed my drerams away or do I just not torture myself with them anymore?
Where are my dreams?
Maybe I’ve just let go of the impossible plan, wait and see what comes, live now.
Open myself up , the world will come,,just wait and see.
You can’t map out a journey for which there is no map. The roads may not even be built yet.
Am I dead, invisible, where’s my passion.
It’s here , ready to be ignited like a flame in petrol
Slowly slowly first a spark, then a fire then poof it will spread.
No worries, not constant, it never drove me anywhere except stir crazy.
I want to stand on the rafters and tell the world how good i feel.
But no one notices, I look the same.

Genevieve Summer 04

Taking a leap you look behind and relish the sight you behold,
To freeze in time, recall in mind, the green field and the gold
sunlight on sycamore leaves…Leaving to find
newness in here, out there, yet sadness inside
You know this moment of normality will never come again all change.
Fields flash by my carriage window, clouds below your plane.
New like every moment of every life, not so strange.

Genevieve August 2004
For Kate

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